Why I Walked Out of Planned Parenthood: Trusting God’s Plan in Abortion

This post isn’t about politics, religion, ethics, or Women’s rights… It’s about my real life. I am writing this for the women who are/were in my shoes and may be struggling with a huge decision. 
Also, it’s a long read so buckle up.


In June of 2018, I found out I was pregnant.
 When my period hadn’t started after a few days I literally ran to the 99c store and bought a pregnancy test. I remember thinking, “Well if I’m truly pregnant I won’t need a fancy $15 test, a cheap test should get the job done.” But in the back of my mind was a family member telling me to be careful, that the women in our family were extremely fertile.
 I was about to find out.


I came home and went straight to the bathroom to take the test. When I stepped out of the bathroom, my sister looked at me and immediately said, “OMG You’re pregnant.” I was in fact, pregnant. I couldn’t believe it.

I knew immediately that I wanted to get an abortion:
CTRL ALT DELETE. 


I just wasn’t ready. I literally graduated from college just a few weeks prior, I didn’t have a real
 job lined up yet, I’d only known the guy for 7 months (really dangerous actions ladies, -10/10 recommend!) and didn’t even know if he was crazy or not, my apartment lease was coming to an end, and the overall timing was just off. I didn’t really have any other options in my head but to go and get an abortion. I knew in my heart that I didn’t fully agree with or believe in abortion as a choice or an institution, but I’d never spent any time thinking about what I would actually do if I were confronted with an unwanted pregnancy. It was easy to say abortion was wrong until I was the one pregnant, desperate, and looking for a way out.


The next day I told a close friend of mine the news and asked if she would accompany me to my appointment with Planned Parenthood. I would’ve been given something called twilight anesthesia, which would require me to have someone available to drive me home after the operation. Shocked, she of course agreed and a few mornings later she took a half day from work and drove me to the Planned Parenthood somewhere in Los Angeles. When we got there, my heart was racing.
 I thought I was nervous y’all… I was shivering hard in my seat and felt a cloud of doubt/worry lingering over me. I was nervous about the actual procedure and about any possible pain and complications, who wouldn’t be? Especially because I didn’t really want to have the procedure done in the first place. In a perfect world, my first time pregnant would’ve been with my husband, someone who loved me unconditionally and was thrilled we were having our first child together. I’d have a thriving career, a house, stellar health insurance, a strong support system, the white picket fence, you get it… I never wanted to have to get an abortion, but I felt in my heart at the moment that I was making the right decision. I truly did. I made a pros and cons list and everything…

But as I sat in that waiting room trembling uncontrollably, I could feel something bigger was happening. That worrisome feeling I had was coming from my spirit. Feeling strange and unsure about how to calm myself down, I pulled out my phone and text another friend of mine who I knew would give me some spiritual encouragement. She was someone whose presence alone could usually make me feel better when my anxiety would spiral, someone who I trusted to give me sound advice, lovingly.
 The first thing she asked me was, “Did you pray about it? What did God say?”
 Those were the million-dollar questions, the catalysts that shifted the entire trajectory of my life. Had I prayed? I prayed earlier that day for protection, but I never asked God what I should do… I’d already decided I was getting the abortion, so there was nothing else to pray for. What did God tell me? I didn’t seek out any answers or His will in the situation.

I said a quick prayer in my head and almost immediately felt some of the heaviness and anxiety fall off of me. When I finished praying, I pulled my phone back out and opened up the bible app. I knew very little scripture at the time and couldn’t think of anything that would speak to the moment or bring any peace. So, I did what I’m assuming all new believers do at some point when it’s time to open their bibles: I flipped to a random section and started reading from the top.


Exodus 1 "Then the king of Egypt spoke to the Hebrew midwives, of whom the name of one was Shiphrah and the name of the other Puah; and he said, “When you do the duties of a midwife for the Hebrew women and see them on the birthstools, if it is a son, then you shall kill him; but if it is a daughter, then she shall live.” But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the male children alive. So the king of Egypt called for the midwives and said to them, “Why have you done this thing, and saved the male children alive?”
And the midwives said to Pharaoh, “Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women; for they are lively and give birth before the midwives come to them.” Therefore God dealt well with the midwives, and the people multiplied and grew very mighty. And so it was, because the midwives feared God, that He provided households for them."


I was shaking! I couldn’t believe what I was reading! First of all, at that moment I knew I was having a boy. Secondly, I believed God used a story in the bible to tell me NOT to get the abortion! I was speechless, hearing God speak to me through His Word! 
Pharaoh and his decree represented culture; if you don’t kill your children your life will be over. All your hopes and dreams will come to an end, your parents will hate you, you aren’t ready to be a mother… Pharaoh even represents our partners; men telling women to kill their babies because they don’t want to be fathers. But the midwives were who God wanted me to model; a woman faced with a difficult decision: do I fear Pharaoh, or do I fear God? Do I fear culture and the unknown? Or do I put my full trust in God? The midwives chose to trust God, and in the end, He not only found favor with them, but He blessed them with households. I prayed silently, “Lord, will you bless me with a family? Will you put my family together?!”
 I read it again, and again. I was so mind-blown that I even showed my friend. She gave me the 🥴 face and was like, “Girl, we are already here.” And she was right. I didn’t want to waste her time or make it seem like I was scared and having cold feet.

So, when my name was called, I followed a nurse to the back, took off my clothes, put them in a locker, changed into a hospital gown, got all my vitals checked, and was brought to a patient waiting room with about 8 other women. All of us were dressed in hospital gowns, mostly everyone’s head was down, and it was silent.


After about 10 minutes of silence, I noticed the woman next to me nervously fidgeting. She was twiddling her hands and wouldn’t stay still. She was exuding an excited-nervous energy that I too was experiencing, which gave me the urge to break the ice. If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know how quiet that waiting room is!!! No one talks!!!! 
In the midst of figuring out how to strike up conversation, the lady ended up starting a conversation with me! I think she asked me was this my first time here, to which I replied “Yes,” and long story short after about another 10 minutes the entire room of women began talking and sharing their stories!
The lady next to me shared that she had 3 babies already, her youngest was only 7 months, and that she wasn’t ready for another….. The next lady shared that she had a 3 month old…. Another shared that she hated pregnancy (the morning sickness specifically) and that she’d love another baby but cannot fathom dealing with pregnancy again… Another said her only other child was 12, and that she didn’t want to start all over. The moment was surreal. I shared my story and continued to listen. 
The conversation we were having began to do something in me, slowly confirming the passage of scripture I’d read an hour earlier. Did I truly want a baby? No. A firm no. I knew I wasn’t ready in ANY sense to become the mother I’d hoped to be for my future children. Did I feel right getting an abortion? Another firm no. I didn’t want either.
 But I finally had the revelation that my life would be forever changed regardless of if I received the procedure or not… and that I’d rather learn to put my full trust and lean my full weight into the Creator! The king of all Kings!

But I was already butt naked in the patient room waiting my turn!!!!! Uggghhh!!! I wasn’t normally bold or courageous, (I was actually unusually passive and timid) but in my heart something strong and deep was bubbling up! A sober boldness I’ve never experienced before began to take hold of me and I began to shiver again. 
I ran out of the room and into a single-stall bathroom, and I opened my Bible app back up, confused and trembling. I said, “Lord what the heck is happening right now? If you want me to keep my baby I need you to tell me loud and clear, right to my face! Because I’m scared that I’m making the worst decision of my life right now!” And I did a random click to 2 King 14:

“After the kingdom was firmly in his grasp, he executed the officials who had murdered his father the king. Yet he did not put the children of the assassins to death, in accordance with what is written in the Book of the Law of Moses where the Lord commanded: “Parents are not to be put to death for their children, nor children put to death for their parents; each will die for their own sin.”
‭‭


Y’all!! I began to cry like a crazy person!!! The kind where you’re boohooing silently but also smiling/laughing like an insane person!?!? OMG!!! 
Children are not to be put to death for the sins of their parents!? 
I said, "GOD !! Are you mf sure!? Cause I’m about to leave here and still be pregnant… ARE YOU SURE!?!?” 
I was mindblown, AGAIN and shaken up. God had very clearly spoken to me, telling me his plans for me. I got on my hands and knees on that dirty bathroom floor, basically naked, and began praying like I never have before, asking God to protect me and my baby and to help us out if i was going to keep my child. Asking Him to stay with us throughout the entire journey and bless me with a good ending! 
And he did y’all 😭😭

When I left the bathroom, I went back to the patient waiting room and sat down, planning how I was going to leave. It was the craziest hardest moment ever in my life. Finally, they called me to the back to get the procedure done. They did an intrauterine ultrasound, found the baby and I saw my little baby’s heartbeat… so surreal. And then the nurse called in the doctor who began to put his gloves on when I cleared my throat and said, “actually, I change my mind.” 
They looked at me like I was insane. 
“Are you sure? We can have the counselor come and speak to you again…” (during your appointment you speak to a counselor or someone who educates you on all your options, makes sure you are mentally/emotionally able to handle the procedure ((my counselor glossed over this part unfortunately)), and explains the procedure to you before clearing you to move on.) I told them no thanks. I got up, walked out the room, to the lockers, grabbed my clothes, changed, and walked back into the lobby nervously smiling at my friend, who saw my face and was like, “Why do you look like that?!” She said she’d seen several women come out from the back looking solemn, tired, head down, etc… but here I come grinning ear-to-ear with this energy. She asked me did I, do it? And omg I had to tell her no! Another long story short she chastised me, cried happy tears, yelled, hugged me, cussed me out, and then drove me to Target to purchase my very first prenatal vitamins.
This post is so long, but fast forward now my son is 5-years old, he has 3 younger brothers, and me and the guy are happily married, and God continues to be faithful! PRAISE THE LORD! 
He is a God of miracles! 
A helper in our time of need!
He honors those who obey his word!!! 
He hears our prayers, and He talks back!!!
He wants to help us, He loves us!!
We can’t do a lot of things on our own strength… After walking out of that PP, things didn’t magically get better. In fact, my life was turned completely upside down, first, for the worst… But with Him and in Him I gained so many blessings! He doesn't promise us that life will come easily but He does promise His presence, strength, and guidance. When life feels turned upside down, God’s love and plans for us remain steadfast. He truly is our miracle-worker and ever-present helper—praise the Lord!